i wish i had a mom to take care of me
i wish she'd do my laundry and when i came home from work from a long day there would be a pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed.

i wish she'd welcome me home and offer to make me a cup of tea while i tell her about my day and ask her advice. I'd tell her i'm tired and she'd tell me to rest and that there's nothing to worry about.

they say i should be my own mom, to fill in the absence left by the one i have, no longer or never had but always hoped i would.

i'd tell her about dates and abnormal pap results and fears and inspiration. she'd tell me what she's experienced and give loving advice.

But i come home to my room just as i left it, bed unmade, clothes, dirty and clean tossed about. empty room with no warmth of loving thoughts during my absence. i make myself a tea in silence and think about my day, me decisions, myself.